Lardy Thomas

Blackfella / whitefella. That's who I am. Top deck. Broome special.

I don't remember a lot of my childhood. I've got a feeling I've blocked it all out. I was alone, always in fight or flight. No food, odd socks, holes in my shoes, and I was wearing me sister's underpants. It was shocking man. Come home from school, and there's no food and no one's conscious. Drinking and drugging and wasting themselves. Go to bed, and everyone's in your bed, and you've gotta find a curtain to curl up and keep warm. I was always put with people and family I never knew.

Didn't know my Father. When Mum found out she was pregnant, he'd taken off fishing to Western Australia, so he didn't even know. It was 1976, and she was an 18-year-old Aboriginal woman who didn't even know how to look after herself. So I grew up in broken homes. Mum was a gypsy. We lived everywhere man. I made one good mate. He used to live across the road from me, but that got severed cause we kept on moving, and I remember another mate in Bairnsdale. He died so I couldn't have any friends. It was lonely man (tears).

And I always got picked on at school. Called boong and nigger and then go home and get called white trash. Fucking hell mate, you're sitting on the fence. I didn't belong to the black community or the white community. You think it's hard if you've got black skin? Black and white skin, that's double trouble. I always remember being scared. Always looking for someone. My Mum, but she was never there.

When I was in primary school, there was a stack of tin. They were building this big shed, and a kid was on the other side. He was calling me black boong, and when I went to jump over, I sliced it there (shows scar on knee). Mum got married, and I had it bandaged up, so I couldn't be the best man. My cousin had to. And maybe I haven't been able to let that go. I should have been the fucking one. Why couldn't I? It was easier for me to stand up than sit down. Why couldn't I be up there to give the ring to Mum? Why? Fucking idiots. Anyway, that pisses me off.

Someone tried to sexually abuse me when I was year 4 or 5. Was staying at my Nanna Bessy's, and some man came to stay. I was sleeping in the lounge room, at one end of the bed and his head at the other, and I felt him trying to touch me. You can never let that go. You never escape that. It's part of me. It drives me to be better, right? Always be alert cause there's fucking snakes in the grass everywhere. I flew up man, went straight into Nanna Bessy's room, and she got up and said, "GET THE FUCK OUT!!!" She saved my life. She could have been like the rest and just said, "nothing fucking wrong. Go and lay down." And then I would have been abused. And that's what happens in these black communities. Doing this shit to their own people and their own people allowing it to happen.

That's why I need to speak my truth man and talk about these blacks doing the wrong thing. And the Government and Police are allowing it to happen right here in Broome. They're not doing fucking nothing. All these kids are being touched up, and I'm getting arrested for not wearing a mask. The world's fucked mate. It starts in the community with the masculine Warrior. I will be that voice for the next generation, and if it means I spend the rest of my life in prison, so be it. I will die on my feet. I will not die on my knees. Something needs to be done man.

Kurnai is my Mob, but it's all backwards. What I got taught about my culture was bugger all. They got smashed yeah. Where I'm from man, we lost it all. I didn't grow up in an environment where I was taught my culture. No language, no nothing. This is the culture I grew up with man. Sitting in a backyard, family all drinking and fucking lost mate. White man took their culture, took their way of life, chucked them into a fucking community and gave them alcohol. Fucked them all up. That's the culture we grew up with. I will speak my fucking truth no matter where I am or who's around. Everybody allowed this to happen. We have allowed this to happen just by being ignorant and thinking that the Government has our best interest at heart. That's just ignorance. I need to be able to talk and let it out because the fabric of truth has been twisted so fucking much that they can't tell any more lies, and it's gonna snap back.

I don't even know if the name Kurnai is right. It was taken away, but it's here in my heart. It's in my DNA. I'm a light being, and I can activate that information. So can you. Eventually, it will come back to me. Culture itself is a way of life. To love one another and bare each other's burdens. There was a structure in place. Elders up top, and it was pretty much fucking perfect. We created the most positive atmosphere in the world, us blackfellas. Sitting around a fire, going hunting, out fishing. We're powerful. We can communicate without using our voice, we can see things without using our eyes, and we can hear things without using our ears. We can travel inter-dimensionally. I can make myself invisible if I like. I can do all this shit if I really connect to my culture, and that's inspiring. Even us blackfellas don't realise how powerful we are. How special we are, and that's why they fill us with grog, close up our third eye, our pineal gland, and it calcifies, and we're all stupid.

When I was about 12, I went to another Mum, Glenda. Bless her. She's gone now to the Dreaming. She allowed me to be me. I can't thank that woman enough for what she did. I came out of my shell. I wasn't scared anymore, and I'd sort all the bullies out. I made a group of friends for the first time.

Then, the tech and high schools merged into secondary college, and the whole dynamic changed. I did two sessions of year eight there, and at recess, I said, "I'm going, and I'm not coming back." My Spirit knew that it wasn't right. What they were teaching us, I couldn't grasp. I was the most stupid kid in school. I couldn't read, and I couldn't write. I'm a black fella man, and they're trying to teach us this crap. My Spirit's going fuck you. You wanna teach me? Teach me my culture, not Japanese. How fucking stupid right?

Everyone was coming in and out of Glenda's. She just brought all the misfits up. One time we had like thirty of us there, and she got an award from the police station cause she'd always take in the strays. We'd meet all these homeless kids and be like, "come on, Brah, come back here," and Mum would be like, "you got another one?!!' We were all hungry, but we were family, and that was cool. That's when the bongs started and the drinking and all that stuff. When we started to become reckless, they were the days' man up until about twenty.

I met this beautiful woman Kylie. She had three children, and I'd never even been in a relationship before, so I didn't know what I was doing. I became an instant father, and we did that for five years. That was fucking toxic. Drugs, drinking. I was messed up, and she was messed up. We tried to make it work, but I had to leave. I put my hands around her neck. First time I'd ever laid my hands on a woman, and I saw the fear in her eyes. I was hurting, and she was hurting. One day I'd just had enough, and I squeezed her that hard that I scared myself, and I walked away. Lardi was only one year old, and I walked out the door. Homeless again. Lardi, my firstborn, still lives with her.

Lardi was first, then Madelin and then Armani. They're from 3 different women, and I've never really been there. Madelin doesn't even know I'm her Father. Armani's ten. I left on the healing journey when she was eight. So she's lost, she's scared. Her Dad drops her off at school one day and then never comes home. I miss Armani the most because I spent all of her life, from the time she was born up until I left. She still went to school, but I always said to her, "don't you fuckin listen to them. We're going there to learn some math and some writing and reading and social skills, but that's fucking it." And so, she shut off from that at an early age. I miss her man. She's my world.

The healing journey happened around September 2019. I lost everything. I'd just built a home with my then partner, and five months in, it all went pear-shaped. I left East Gippsland, Victoria, and the message from Spirit was that I had to go on a healing journey to Uluru. I met all these soul families. They call them Star people. So I found my tribe right. I found my people for the first time in forty-odd years, and it involved me going out of my comfort zone. I was shit scared man. I had no money left, and the car was ready to break down, but you just gotta follow your heart. We are the creators of our own dream. I went out into the unknown, and there was conscious eating. How you chew your food and how you think and act, and emotions were triggered.

So these whole two and half years entailed travelling and re-discovering self and unlearning the system. Growing up, you were suppressed. Drink some concrete and harden up. We're emotional creatures, and even us masculine Warriors, we feel. That's why we're the protectors and the providers.

So on the healing journey, I could be alone and away from the system and sit in silence. Real intelligence comes from your heart because the heart knows all. I was able to come back to that. I took myself away from my mind into my heart which took a lot. A lot of ups and downs and going down old paths, which I still do. Drinking and smoking spliffs, right, but I've moved away from so much other stuff. I used to be on ICE. I used to do it all. I'm a creature of habit, and I do it to numb the pain.

But I knocked the ICE off. I set the intention in my mind and heart and then worked towards that. How do I work towards that? I buy as much fucking beer as I want, and I drink as much fucking beer as I want until I can't drink anymore, and then one day I woke up and said, "that's fucking it." And I made a conscious decision a week ago.

I still want a fucking beer. I was drinking every day man. But drinking the beers is still escaping, still numbing yourself and killing yourself really. It's an addiction right? I'm addicted. It's poison. I've had two sips in seven days of vodka, which was stuff all, and that's just to remind myself. To remind my heart and spirit that I don't want it, don't need it. I mean, I still want to have one, but eventually, that will be gone. I don't crave ICE anymore, and that's hard to get off man.

I've gone up the Gib and down to Exmouth and Perth. I've done so much. Uluru and up in Alice Springs. Broome. I've done so many ks, and I've healed so much. These people back where I'm from don't like that vibration. It intimidates them. They'll pick and pick and pick. They don't even realise it. That's how mentally ill they are. I call myself son of the universe, star child, creator of my dreams, and they're like, "he's crazy."

But what's more crazy? Me going out and living my life or them stuck living the same stupid groundhog day over and fucking over? The radio station down there, 3TR, for the last fifty years, has been playing the same songs, and no one gets it. Like the managers of the stores down there. Wouldn't you be like, "let's play something different?" But they're programming you. No one has a fucking clue they're being programmed every single minute of every single day. The human race is such an intelligent design, but they're so fucking dumb.

When I turned 46 in April, I just had this deep knowing that the healing journey was finished. Now it's a spiritual life journey.

When we die, we go to the Dreaming. We get to go to another dimension. On another journey. We live another life somewhere, whether it's as a human, a bird, a river, or a tree. When we go to sleep, we don't actually die. This life is a dream. It's not real we're just down here learning. This is a school, and we're all asleep, and we need to wake the fuck up.

We've gotta feel more, but we can't do that when we're numb. This is all an illusion, this life, here to get us to where we're going next. This timeline is about to fold in on itself. Keep an eye on the stars. Watch how much they move. Back in the day, they used to wobble and now they fucking move like that cause our realm's about to fucking collapse. We gotta get our shit together. It's survival of the fittest because we are in the end days. Covid was all a plan. Hollywood and the elites and the politicians, It's all a play on the world stage, but the people think it's real. They're all laughing at us, and we're down here just fucking stupid.

My biggest struggle at the moment is I'm sore and exhausted. I'm fucking exhausted. The body just wants to walk. The spirit just wants to walk cause I haven't been drinking for seven days. I just walk and walk, and I'm exhausted to the point where I want to sleep, but I can't. Strength building, that's all that is.

What's next for me? I'll continue to go deeper into that honour of self and discover my divine truth. Not me, this physical man Lardy, black fella / white fella. Nah, nah nah, my divine truth, who I am. I'll get to my core man. I thought I was the stupid one growing up. I've always known from a young age that I had this knowing. I lost it for a long time, and now I'm getting that back. I'm destined for greatness.

The fittest will survive. And be that leader, that voice for those that can't speak. Be that inspiration and motivation for the next generation. Learn from my ancestors. I call to them every day on my walks. We are evolving, always evolving. You and I are evolving right now as we talk.

LARDY THOMAS

BORN 21.04.76